Attack of the Giant Amoebas
by Kioku
Summary: ...with some signing monkeys thrown in. This involves G-pilots, Treize, and Kurama and Hiei from Yuu Yuu Hakusho. They all get attacked by Giant Amoebas. Includes can-canning and a sign language-adept Trowa. Watch for cameos. *shonen ai*


It was a quiet night

It was a quiet night.Quatre was enjoying a peaceful night with Trowa when…

Wufei was visiting Treize.They were making out when…

Heero was trying to keep Duo away from him so he could get some work done.Suddenly…

Kurama was being, well, himself in his apartment with Hiei.Unbeknownst to either of them…

*ba BA Bum*

Attack of the Giant Amoebas

with some signing monkeys thrown in.

by Kioku

"It was awful.One minute, we were sitting there, and the next…" Quatre began crying too hard to continue.

"These creatures began to attack us," finished Trowa.

Kurama looked at them."The same thing happened to us.But Hiei attacked them with the Kokuryuuha and they disappeared."

"Really?Heero used his laptop to beat them over the heads, but they encircled him and I had to use my scythe."

"…"

"Wufei, aren't you going to tell us what happened to you?"Kurama asked.

"No."

"But-"

A voice interrupted from the shadows."It is none of your concern."

All but Wufei looked surprised.

"Who's there?" asked Heero.

"It's me.Treize Khushrenada."

Duo actually fell over."Wu, I didn't know you would stoop so… so *low*!"

Wufei advanced with death in his eyes."What do you mean, Duo?"

"I mean, Treize is the enemy.I didn't think that you would-"

"That I'd what?"

"That you would fall in love with him.It's so romantic, ne, Kurama?"

"Yes, very, " the kitsune answered sarcastically.

Wufei sputtered, while Treize stepped into the light."Where are we?"

"The creatures ate us."Hiei, as always, looked annoyed.

"But how did we all end up here if we were eaten by different… things?"Quatre asked.

"Don't ask me, "Kurama said."The real question, 'How do we get out?'"

They all looked at each other, then at the two youkai…

***

"I can't believe they're making us do this," Hiei grumbled.

"Why, Hiei, you almost sound like you don't *want* to do this."

Hiei glowered as the fox appraised him."Very good.Now all we need is some baking powder."

"Where the hell are we supposed to get that?"

"I just happen to have some."

Hiei raised an eyebrow.Then he reached out and took the granules.He sprinkled some on the walls.The air turned black and began to bubble.The heat didn't bother Hiei, but Kurama was uncomfortable.Suddenly…

*insert suspenseful chord*

…. The amoeba exploded!

The eight prisoners were released into an underground cave.They saw hundreds, no, thousands of amoebas measuring almost 10 feet in length.When stretched out, anyway.

"What the hell…?"Wufei queried.

"That.Was.Weird," Duo stated.

They looked around more carefully.The amoebas were blobbing out with their pseudopods, as amoebas are wont to do.Some appeared to be eating.Eating what, no one was sure.They didn't know if they wanted to know.The cave was dark.The only illumination was some fireflies that had… somehow… found their way there.As near as they could tell, the walls were slimy, and the air was dark and musty.All in all, not a place to visit when on vacation.

As the man/boys/youkai watched, one amoeba slowly came toward them.Hiei's arm started to smoke as the bandages came off.

"No, Hiei.Not now.That's what got *us* into this in the first place, remember?" Kurama asked, his arm on Hiei's.

Hiei glowered.

The amoeba came closer.Slowly.

And it came still closer.Slowly.

And closer.Slowly.

Finally, it had reached the man/boys/youkai.Slowly…

… it reached out to them with a pseudopod.Then, in a surprisingly fast move, one which made them wonder if the slowness was affected, it devoured them.

Or tried to, at any rate.

Hiei had jumped out of the way, pulling Kurama with him. And Treize had been hanging back, so he was out of range.

The man/youkai could hear voices coming from the center of the amoeba.Kurama yelled, "Can you hear me!?!!?!"

A voice came back, "YES!!!"

"Pour baking powder on its insides and you'll get out!!"

"Where the hell are we supposed to get baking powder?!?" cried Heero.

Kurama facevaulted."You mean you don't carry some around with you?"

Treize sweatdropped, and from the reaction of the amoeba, so had the Gundam pilots.

"You do?" asked Treize.

"Of course.Every place I go.You never know when you might need some baking powder."

Treize looked at him.Then at Hiei.He smiled.

"Hentai…" Hiei muttered, not wanting to know what was going through the general's head.

"If we don't have baking powder, how are we supposed to get out?!?!" inquired Quatre.

Kurama thought about that.Then thought some more.

"You could always try baking soda.Its possible it will work."

"WE DON'T HAVE BAKING SODA EITHER!!!!" Duo yelled.

"Hmmm.Well, since baking powder is a base, maybe another base will work.Do you have milk of magnesia, or ammonia water?"

They could hear a deep voice muttering 'crazy red-haired freak'.

"Why don't I just slice it open?" asked Hiei.

"All right," said Kurama.

Hiei walked to the amoeba, pulled out his katana, and cut a large hole in its outer skin.The five boys piled out onto the floor, and he dispatched the creature.

"Arigatou," Quatre thanked.

"Hn."

"What are we gonna do?Try to kill all of them?" questioned Duo.

"That would be hard, and they'll just keep multiplying," Kurama replied.

"Like cockroaches," Treize stated with distaste.

"Why did they attack us?" asked Quatre.

"Weren't we all *ahem* making out when we were swallowed?" Treize inquired.

"Hn."

"Perhaps they are attracted to that.Duo, kiss Heero."

Duo gladly followed Treize's instructions.Immediately, every amoeba in the place started coming toward them.Slowly.They hastily broke apart.The amoebas went back to their business.

"Odd," observed Trowa.

"Perhaps we can use this to our advantage.Kurama, what happens if you apply baking powder to their outsides?"

"I don't know."Kurama walked up to one and sprinkled baking powder over it.It turned and engulfed him in pseudopods.He proceeded to put baking powder in its insides and it exploded.

"I guess that answers that question," said Quatre."Now what?"

"Is there a way out of the cave?" Treize said just as a shadow passed over them.Each man/boy/youkai turned his head up and saw…

…several dozen signing monkeys chasing after a few Biology students trying to help them with their tests.

A monkey turned and looked at Wufei.He fainted.Treize caught him in loving arms.The monkey turned away and continued to chase the students.

"Quick!After them!Maybe they know the way out!" cried Duo.

The man/boys/youkai ran after the monkeys chasing the Bio students.A few amoebas noticed this and began to follow as well.

To any common observer, it was bizarre.

After a few hours of monkey-chasing, they saw a light.Treize, the only tired one, as the others were either Gundam pilots or used to running long distances, mustered up the last bit of his strength to make it to that tiny portal of light that spelled "F-R-E-E-D-O-M".Actually, it was 7 small portals arranged arranged in such a way that they really *did* spell freedom…

Poor Treize was almost there when an amoeba finally caught up.At that moment, the monkeys gave up their chase and turned as well.Stuck between a monkey and an amoeba, he did the only thing a handsome OZ general can be expected to do in a situation like this.

He started can-canning.

"What the-" Hiei started.

"I don't want to know," Duo remarked.

"Treize!You promised never to do that in public!"Wufei exclaimed.

"Now I *really* don't want to know," Duo confirmed.

It worked.The monkey paused and started signing frantically to his companions.Trowa translated.

"How do you know sign?!" Quatre demanded.

"Some of the mercenaries were deaf."

"Come here.This guy is weird.You have to see this," Trowa said in his monotone.

The monkeys were apparently listening, for they turned and came to watch Treize.

Heero, having had bad experiences in the past with signing monkeys trying to do *his* Bio exams, cowered behind Duo.

"Don't let them get to me.Don't let them get to me," he chanted over and over.

The monkeys stared at Treize, who was frantically trying to keep up his energy.After a few seconds, they started to laugh.

"Quick!Now's our chance!" Kurama shouted.

The boys/youkai ran for the largest letter – the D.Wufei noticed Treize was still can-canning can turned back.

"What are you doing!"

"I can't stop!"

Wufei grabbed Treize and pulled him out of the cave.When they opened their eyes, they saw…

… a field of hummingbirds.At least, that's what it looked like at first.At second glance, it turned out to be a cloud with the setting sun lighting it up.And they were on top of it.

Ina moment of cartoon-like horror, they looked at each other, then down.That did it.The man/boys/youkai fell straight down until they hit the back of a flying fish.

Guru Clef appeared."Get off!You're not the Magic Knights!"

They sweatdropped, then disappeared.This time, they landed in an area that was remarkably similar to the Kutou palace.This continued, with the man/boys/youkai flickering from place to place for awhile.Then-

*total darkness*

they all reappeared where they were before this awful nightmare began – in their houses/estate/apartment.

"It's finally over!"Quatre exclaimed, after waiting a sew minutes.He launched himself at Trowa and they released their stress through, well…

Wufei looked at Treize.Treize looked back.They headed for the kitchen. (*sweatdrop*)

*Heero*, for once, launched himself at Duo.Sounds of, um, pleasure were heard at all the neighbor's houses that night.

Hiei and Kurama wasted no time in getting right back to what they were doing.

***

And that, ladies and gentleman, youkai and ningens, is the story of how a man/boys/youkai were eaten by amoebas, chased by monkeys, and got home in one piece.As for what happened to the amoebas…Well, that's a story for another day.

~Kioku

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Yuu Yuu Hakusho, and I have no money so please don't sue.


End file.
